Tourists vs. Bums
Monday, November 26, 2007
Living in the heart of the Loop has its benefits: easy access to every single train line, easy access to cabs, traveling in the opposite direction of rush hour every day... OK, it looks like that's it. Overall, living downtown kinda sucks. The whole place shuts down at 6pm, those super close trains are super loud, rent is ridiculously high while amenities are low, the Walgreens pharmacy isn't open on Sundays and (my favorite) the bums are numerous.

Now, before we get into this, let's get one thing straight. I don't look at bums with disgust and shout at them to "get a job," like a close southern friend of mine did when he visited. I DO, however, wish them gone from my neighborhood.

I've stepped over a sleeping (or dead) bum when I got off the train, I've been followed up State Street, I've been asked for change outside my building, I've watched bums steal Bud Light from the 7-11, I've been yelled at by schizophrenics... the list goes on.

And THAT is one main reason why we're moving. That, plus we can get more for our money a mile or two away in River North. And while this new neighborhood of ours in River North doesn't have nearly as many bums, it does have something else.

Tourists.

I would hate to run into someone like me if I were a tourist. I'm impatient, snotty and quick to judge. I roll my eyes when they don't know when to cross the street; I scowl when they get on the train and linger in front of the doors; I cringe at their fanny packs and oversize t-shirts; I sigh when they don't know how to use their CTA cards on the bus; I marvel at their lack of fashion sense.


My God, I think I treat them worse than the bums.

So I've been asking myself, what's worse? Tourists or bums? Would I rather get asked for money or asked for directions? I don't give out either, so maybe that doesn't matter. (My sense of direction leaves much to be desired...)

I know I'll miss the convenience of the Loop and the fact that tourists rarely venture into my part of it. But in the end, I wouldn't worry about a tourist stumbling in my path, stinking of booze, grabbing my purse and galumphing away while slurring obscenities at the parked cars.

So I'm going to try to embrace the tourists. Well, maybe not embrace them, per se, but I will certainly try to be more tolerant. That, or I'll just make sure I have a good wine buzz 24/7. I'm a lot nicer when I'm drunk.

Yum!

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posted by Elle at 9:13 PM | 0 comments

Don't Hit the Children
My niece hit me in the face the other day. Directly on the left side of my chin. In public, no less. I have by no means had a hard knock life, nor am I from the notoriously scrappy south side. But I gotta say, my immediate instinct was to pop her right back.

Oh, yeah, she's 3.


Am I an asshole? I would argue NO, at least in this case. Seriously, at 3 years old, most kids don't beat on their aunts because the kids know right from wrong. (You might also think that all 3-year-olds know the toilet from the bed, but that's just because you haven't been to my niece's house.) So I would argue that my niece does indeed know that hitting is bad, but she just doesn't care.

As most DINKs, I blame the parenting. After my niece hit me in the middle of the restaurant, I firmly told her, "NO. We do not hit." I also shot a silent look to my fiance that said, "I don't know why, but this is somehow your fault."

Since my niece hates hearing NO, she glared at me. Bring it.

Instead of bringing it, my niece turned to her other aunt, my sister-in-law (who I truly adore), and hit her in the face too. Shocked. I was shocked and appalled.

Even more shocking, my SIL laughed! "She doesn't have fine motor skills yet," she explained through her giggles. Uh... what? If the kid can form a fist, she can learn how NOT to hurl it at people's faces.

But my niece wasn't finished yet. She then walked over to her father and hit HIM in the face. He said, "No hitting... Here comes the TICKLE MONSTER!" and proceeded to tickle her relentlessly.

Wait, so... is... isn't hitting bad? Or.. just... I mean, the tickling, that's not exactly a sign of discouragement... then why...? Hell, if I was confused by that brilliant parenting move, there's no way my niece would get it.

Later, my BIL told me that he read an article about how it's a fabulous idea to follow up your firm actions with something light/fun because "the more you push your kids, the more they'll push back."

I think he misinterpreted the message there. Otherwise it's just irresponsible journalism.

Either way, I'm simply tired of parents not parenting. Don't they watch Supernanny? When you don't give your kids clear boundaries and punishments, they tear through your home, curse like sailors, destroy your furniture, pick away at your sanity... and hit their aunts in the face.

So, come on, Moms and Dads. Discipline your children. It's not your job to be liked. It's your job to keep your kid under control so the rest of us can enjoy a nice meal in a nice restaurant without having to worry about blocking a left hook.

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posted by Elle at 3:02 PM | 1 comments